The woman: I am avoiding you, and I am SO WILLING - so willing- to meet you
come out of the shadows and confront me for this cannot be kept in silence when the mind and heart continue to battle in thoughts
The shadow: who are you yelling at when they are standing right beside you- your plea is too loud and volume plays no role in bringing anything closer or nearer to you
The woman: then why are you so quiet?
The shadow: ( laughs), i am neither quiet or loud, I'm silence and in this space resides everything
The woman: then how can I confront you? speak up
The shadow: relax- thats all
The woman: I want to though it seems until we have met and merged then I wont be able to
The shadow: no, its when you make peace between your self and your body then I come in, for I require a comfortable and harmonious space to enter otherwise the madness that prevails will be beyond your ability to cope with . Its the only way to be whole, the shadow is your power and totality, though it requires a very stable mind to enter, and you cannot relax, so I cannot enter
The woman: then how can i relax?
The shadow: come back to your heart- breathe- forgive each time you forget to be relaxed. remember , forgive and be grateful that you are aware, that is all. The intention each morning to have a rich day of love and ease. Wake up with the sun in gratitude, the world needs you to, if you don't who else will?
The woman: what about the moon, the darkness?
The shadow: there is nothing to know. when rested everything comes to you and this madness of ambition and more knowing can stop. Its so tiring. The world has exaughsted itself, and that is part of the divine plan. Only then can deep regeneration happen. You are beginning to realize this and this seed you carry is all you have. Other than that you are nothing and will never joy.
The woman: it all makes so much sense, and then I feel the lack. of money, of time, of resources, of fun
The shadow: You keep saying it then so it will be. silly woman, and beautiful soul. You don't need anything really. other than breath, food, shelter and love. You have all and yet you cant relax for your pride is too big to carry you
The woman: my pride? how do i let that go, and be humble ?
The shadow? you cant let it go. its inherently a part of your being. Learn to embrace your pride and allow it to serve your evolution and your happiness, by loving your pride in a healthy manner
The woman: I feel I have lost everything, everything that is desired is so far, i keep finding and creating reasons t o be unhappy……
The shadow: yes you do that. you are infected with a syndrome called…. lack of fulfilled desires which is just an illusion….. your illusion of lack takes you away from the real joy that the present moment brings. The game of mirrors. Behind it all is simply Love.
Have you really petted your animal, made love, groomed, let it loose? Rode the beast, roared like a bestial Lioness, indulged in the nectar of bodily juices, felt like tearing apart every restricting item of clothing, every imprisoning thought, to arise flaming in a mane of uncontrollable lust and love for life?
If not it is very likely that in lovemaking the primal beast will either be shy and lurking in the corners, in the shadows….. or dominant and wanting seed, wanting to mate.
Tantric lovemaking often states to not ejaculate, and to hold the seed. Cultivating the life force and only ejaculating with prayer, intention and strong direction into some birthing, be it a project, health, a child…etc
That is so beautiful and vital for sexual evolution.
Though I found these days , as a womb-man that I require the ejaculate in my womb to fill me up with some sense of deeper magic. And yes I can receive that naturally from nature and thus fill myself with seed. Though the primal unleashed woman will not be free till she can fully dance her chaos and spin the webs of dreams into manifestation and birth. It desires a physical fluid, an elixir… a juice.
Somehow the transmission of seeding, strengthens my own inner seeding and ability to seed myself. Although the fear factor of unwanted pregnancy is so high. So how can women trust more deeply and listen once again to their bodies to when it requires seed for powerful inner ritual and magic to occur , trusting fully well that they will not fall pregnant, even if it is when they are not bleeding.
And how to distinguish between lust and primal animal urges that choose to devour and not aligned with consciousness? And when is the animal loved and respected so much that when such a desire arises for seed ,to simply ask for it without any trace of shadow or manipulation rather than holding and pulling on seed without his consent or agreement, due to the deep fear of REJECTION.
Having loving seed in my womb feels on certain occasions so essential for the vibration of creative life force. the inner animal feels seeded, loved and appreciated.
The shame around being an animal is SO HUGE. To be horny, lustful, desire-full, angry, hunting…… and yet the desire to be devoured, to be eaten, seen, seeded and fucked so hard is so apparent and perhaps anyone who says otherwise is living in their bubble of heightened morality,
The sacredness of blood and sex and seed, and fucking, and lustful devouring with the tender loving connection of heart seems to be at times a peak of connection between heaven and earth. Animal and Angel.
My bloody moon cup was taken the other day by a pack of huskies as I was sitting in the outdoor tub. The significance of that today as I was walking on the hill close by and there they were. They began to circle me, in hunting mode, showing teeth and fully smelling my scent. The reflection was so strong of my own huntress, my inner artemis.
The moon is swelling into fullness, and I am feeling very fertile once again with creative surges and urges.
and yet I know I don’t want to grow life in me yet, and I chose not to, I have taken seed into me, and it feels like a magical initiation into womanhood has taken place. Some arising of a queen and mother energy, rather strong, and passionate and fierce and very loving to her own territory, No one fucks with me, my animal, my beast, my saint, my angel without meeting themselves first and then meeting me and all that I am.
The birthday of Magdalene
She writes through her fingers and whispers of hair, that the world is place of goodness and care
the dark witch of illusions is here to empower and not despair
so be filled with the fires of creation and be fueled by the caress of air
You know we know, and know it all, and nothing… and we keep merging and laughing and in separation we cry. the pain is so large and please don't deny, that it isn't
It hurts and it pains, as it thunders and rains, and the inside ignites in the lightning of nights
and you say you only love, but your shadows reveal more,
as you love and pretend that there is no hidden door
i see behind the veil, as it falls and it breaks
shreds to ash, in flames and for graces sake
as your demons dance around your burning pyre
and you burn as you cry in the hellish fires
of your own forsaken mind
its split, and it hurts, for you are a seeker of union
and you search in the places of inner communion
you are getting real, realizing it is down there and not in the skies
your whole new sense of completion shine in your eyes
when you love the sex that creates your life
and you smile in the harmony of a home and wife
inside not outside
and the man knows he is home when he can cry
for the eons of war as his brothers die
we still live in a world of duality
though we are crossing over on the boat of dreams
and the dream is birthing our crystal clarity
and in grieving we release
the demons to peace
the tears back to the oceans
into the mothers sweet potion
as waters spill over
for the world is fertile
birthing our feelings
defining our dealings
your disgust and your rage
fuel the fires of the age
to bring about forgiveness for your very own doing
taking full responsibility for the seeds you are sowing
even from lifetimes, you were learning
though no one is to blame for the world, but yourself
myself- this self- ourselves
so yes love and light
though the darkness has a might
a power to resurrect
the light into the the fright
and you deserve to be free
you deserve to see
the beauty of all
in all simplicity
as your artist merges
with the creatix’s design
and we all become one
with the heart of divine